I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
