last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
