i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
