Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
