me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
PANTIES FOUND
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
