I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
