i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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