i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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