i don't like sucking hair
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
