Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
