the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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