Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
