You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
