We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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