I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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