It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
