What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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