I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
