toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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