I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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