I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
