I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
