Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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