He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
