I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
