It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
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