I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
