I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
