Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Got a toothbrush?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
