If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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