Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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