some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
