physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
