We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
