I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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