some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
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