I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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