oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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