I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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