you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
