I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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