just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
