She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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