Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She's the barista slut.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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