Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
