She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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