..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
