Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
