Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
