i already hear my dad disowning me
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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