btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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