Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
