You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
