you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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