apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
