12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
