She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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