So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
