Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
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