Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
