Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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