I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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