You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
