Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
