Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Let's paint friendship bongs
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
