The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
