im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
i out mim tonsoeep
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