woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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